Man Shoots Self While Sneezing…

Police in Connecticut say an 81-year-old man who was lying in wait with a rifle for a pesky raccoon accidentally shot himself after sneezing and falling from a chair.  New Haven police say James Pace Sr. shot himself in the shin at his home Saturday night. The injury wasn’t life-threatening.  pissed_raccoonPace told authorities that a raccoon had been scratching at his back door for several days and he was waiting for it with a .22-caliber rifle.  Police say he sneezed and fell from his chair, then realized he had accidentally shot himself.  Pace’s son drove him to Yale-New Haven Hospital.  Police detectives seized the rifle and are investigating the shooting.  Investigating?  Really?  As part of the Villainous VooDoo’s commitment to firearm safety, I would like to take this opportunity to review a few of the most basic rules of gun safety:

1.  Always keep the muzzle pointed in a safe direction.  Like away from your fu(king shin, James…

2.  Keep your finger off the trigger until you are actually ready to shoot.  This, combined with rule 3, should prevent what is officially called an “accidental discharge”.  James, you know this as ‘blowing your shin off’.

3.  Keep the safety on until you are ready to shoot.  Perhaps this should be rule number one.  Unless, of course, you sneeze so violently it causes you to disengage the safety then pull the trigger.

James, clearly you need help with your raccoon ambush and the Villainous VooDoo is here for you.  May I suggest you change from a ‘command initiated’ model to something a little more commensurate with your age.  Try a ‘mechanical ambush’ by placing the latest in critter capture technology – a raccoon trap, outside your door.  When you have the masked bandit captured, just call animal services in your area.  They’ll do the rest.  Anyway, James, I know you’re 81, but here’s your sign…

Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop?

Friends, we have a new winner in the Villainous VooDoo monthly “stupid-ass” contest.   “Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop” faces felony drug charges in Iowa, less than two years after he was busted for possession of pot.  Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bopBeezow Doo-doo who?  He looks like “Vlad the Impaler’s” younger brother.  Whatever.  Anyway, “stupid-ass” was charged with felony drug possession with intent to deliver after a recent traffic stop.  Police noticed his van swerving on the road. When they pulled him over, police found half an ounce of marijuana.  If convicted he could face up to five years in prison and a $7,500 fine.

In case you’re curious, he has said his first name represents “the explosion of awareness of the interconnectedness of the infinite love in the universe.” Yeeeaaah!  His real name is Jeffrey Wilschke, but he legally changed it in 2011.  Stupid-ass, I mean Jeffery, here’s your sign…

UPDATE – 02/02/16 – Jeffery, Jeffery, Jeffery… You just can’t stay out of trouble…

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