Rape a minor, get 30 days?

No in my world.  Friends, take this story as official notice that the US Justice System is seriously fu(ked up.  In Billings, Montana, District Judge G. Todd Baugh sentenced  former teacher Stacey Rambold to just 30 days for the rape of a 14 year-old girl citing the victim was “older than her chronological age.” and that the victim had as much control of the situation as her attacker.  TEACHER-RAPE-SENTENCEJudge, are you off your meds?  You’re kidding right?  Did I mention that the victim killed herself at age 16?  The judge has defended the 30-day sentence as appropriate because Rambold was considered a low risk to re-offend. Yet a Montana prosecutor said Thursday that he believes Baugh erred in the sentencing.  Yellowstone County Attorney Scott Twito said that a legal review of the case by his office suggests Rambold should have received at least two years in prison. Twito said he’s working with the appellate division of the state Attorney General’s Office on whether to appeal.

If the Villainous VooDoo was the judge in this case, this scumbag (Rambold) would be sentanced to being dragged down the Main Street of Billings by his nut-sack until something broke off.  Then give him two years in the State Penitentiary to lick his wounds and explain to ‘Bubba’ why he’s there with no dick.  Of course if the victim was my daughter, I would take great pleasure in chopping off his unit and handing it to him personally.  Let the Fu(ker bleed-out…

UPDATE – 09/04/13 – Montana’s top law-enforcement official has called a 30-day rape sentence handed down by a district judge last week “illegal” and filed an appeal Wednesday with the state supreme court.

UPDATE – 04/30/14 -Montana Supreme Court says 30-day sentence inappropriate for ex-teacher who raped teen; district judge misruled

Fork removed from penis…

This one just about pegged out my weird-$hit-o-meter.  Some 70 year old grandpa from Canberra, Australia jammed a 10cm piece of cutlery into his appendage for (wait for it…) sexual pleasure!  I don’t know about you, but when I need some self-satisfaction, I always reach into my silverware drawer too. Fork-in-PenisThe medics managed to remove the item using forceps and “copious lubrication” –  but the patient had to go under general anaesthetic.  Come to think about it, the last time I pulled a salad spoon out of my dick, it tickled a little too!  The doctors said that it was unusual to see objects lodged in the urinary tract.  Really?  The Mirror Article goes on to say that the International Journal of Surgery Case Report lists other  objects found in other patients, including wire, Allen keys, toothbrushes, light  bulbs, thermometers, plants, vegetables, leeches, snakes and glue.  Glue?  WTF!  I want to meet the guy that put glue up his penis.  What’s the pleasure in that?  If you know, please email me.  Anyway, apparently this guy doesn’t have a woman or she’s not butter’n his bread.  Either way… A fork up your penis?  Fu(k that!

 

Bad Kitty…

Friends, if you’re going to live as a recluse/hoarder with a small army of marauding cats, be sure you have plenty of cat food and an automated feeder available in case of your death.  Otherwise you could end up like Janet Veal, a British citizen and recluse who apparently died in her flat without adequate provisions for the troops.  KittyThis lady’s cats had been feeding on her for approximately 3 months, according to the coroner.  “Certain parts of Mrs. Veal’s body were missing and had… effectively been gnawed and eaten away by the animals,” Coroner Keith Wiseman said in Southampton Coroner’s Court.  Damn!  Kinda makes you wonder if your cat is just hanging around, waiting for you to die so he can ring the dinner bell.  “…No more crappy dry food, tonight I’ll dine on your ass!…”  You just never know what they are thinking as they watch you sleep in the night…  Sweet dreams… <insert best Vincent Price laugh>

At last, Honesty…

Friends, a couple years back, my Wife and I were inching along in the typical Southern California traffic when I saw a panhandler with his sign.  It read: “…all I want is a beer…”  I thought what genius!, what honesty!.  At that moment, I observed someone a few cars up from me actually hand this guy a beer!  Of course!  Just like any well documented business plan, the panhandler’s sign was direct and to the point.  Good for him!  Fast forward to present day.  Panhandling_BoobsI ran across a  woman in Florida panhandling for… wait for it… BOOBS!  Now I can relate to panhandling for change, a meal or an insignificant amount of money or even a beer, but a major cosmetic surgery procedure?  Get a fu(k!ng job!  Christ!  Ok, ok, I will be the first to admit that boobs is on my list of desirable attributes a woman should have but to stand on a street corner with sign that reads “…not homeless, need boobs…”  It seems that this fund raising technique is gaining popularity because as the article points out, other women from Akron, Ohio and Phoenix, Arizona have made signs of their own.  I think I’ll make up a sign of my own: “…not homeless, just a lazy bastard…” or what about: “…not homeless, need cock enlargement…”  Wait!, I got it!, “…not homeless, just want to continue to burden society…”  Tina, here’s your sign…

My Crapper got Hacked!

Jesus, you can’t even take a $hit in peace!  Of course, being the only male in my house, that was always true but now watch out where you crap in public, you could get hacked with your pants down!  A Japanese manufacturer is turning out a $6000.00 toilet which is controlled by an Android app.  IFW_HackingThis marvel of modern engineering contains a hardware flaw which allow anyone with the app on their phone to control the features of the unit.  I could see it now: I just sat down after a monster 5-bean and cheese burrito to relieve myself of the oncoming results of the meal.  As I’m doing my business, some punk with a smart phone walks in and decides he wants to have some fun.  First the toilet flushes by itself.  No problem, saves me the trouble.  Next the lid begins to slap my ass repeatedly as the bidet and air-dry mechanisms shoot $hitty water all over my pant legs.  Of course, I’d have to run-down the little bastard with the phone and deliver some VooDoo instant justice (use your imagination).  Friends, some things are best left low-tech.  This is decidedly one of them…

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