Man shoots himself, doesn’t notice for two days…

forrest_gumpFriends, as staunch supporters of the Second Amendment to the US Constitution, we must also (and do) fully emphasize safety above all else when handling firearms.  With that said, we have a new candidate for the “don’t let this happen to you…” club.

Authorities in Florida said a man accidentally shot himself while cleaning his gun and didn’t notice the wound until he changed his shirt two days later.  Really?  The Volusia County Sheriff’s Office said deputies responded to a report of a shooting victim Saturday at Florida Hospital Fish Memorial in Orange City and they spoke with Deltona resident Michael Blevins, 37, who had checked himself in to the hospital with a bullet wound.

Blevins told deputies he was cleaning his .22 caliber pistol in the living room of his home and he was holding the gun close to his chest to prevent his dog from jumping near it.  Blevens said he felt a sharp pain in his back from a previous injury when he tried to stand up and ended up falling face down.  Blevins said the gun fired and he struck his head on the edge of a glass coffee table.

He said he did not believe the bullet had struck him until Saturday, when he removed his long-sleeved black shirt and discovered the bullet’s entry and exit wounds on his arm.  Blevins said the medication he takes for his back injury may have prevented him from feeling any pain from the gunshot.

We want to know just what medication this dude is taking that would block the pain of being shot a close range.  Whatever it is, he must have washed it down with a tall glass of stupid.  Michael… Here’s your sign…

SOURCE – news-journalonline.com

Medical Coding – Stupid is as Stupid does…

DaffyDuckFriends, in the increasingly complex world of medical coding, the stupidity level is rising exponentially.  As of October 1st, America’s healthcare providers were forced to adopt thousands of new medical codes to record their patients’ conditions in more excruciating detail than ever before. Some of the more than 68,000 diagnostic codes will be helpful: for example, differentiating between type 1 and type 2 diabetes. Others, such as differentiating between a dolphin or sea lion attack (W56.02X  and W56.12X, respectively), may prove less so.  Read on and be amazed…

T43.616A — Underdosing of caffeine.  Ok, I can see this one… If you’re a software developer with a deadline.

Z73.1 — Type A behavior problem.  The liberal hippies just had to have this one.

V91.07 — Burn due to water skis on fire.  I got nothing…

Y93.D1 — Accident while knitting or crocheting.  Scenario – I was knitting a new pair of socks while  watching the news when all-of-a-sudden Hillary came on spewing more lies about Benghazi.  In a fit of rage, I jammed a knitting needle into my hand…

W61.12 — Struck by Macaw.  Keep you damn meat hooks to yourself.

W56.22 — Struck by orca.  Are you a Seaworld trainer?

R45.83 — Excessive crying of child, adolescent, or adult.  Man up, bitch!

V95.42XA — Forced landing of spacecraft, injuring occupant.  Are little green men covered by our healthcare system?

V97.33 — Sucked into jet engine.  I think you would be beyond medical help…

V90.25XA — Drowning due to falling from burning canoe or kayak.  Does it really matter the canoe or kayak was on fire?

W22.02XD — Walked into a lamppost.  Turn of your fucking cell phone, asshole!

R461 — Bizarre personal appearance.  Really?

Y92.241 — Hurt at library.  Paper cuts; they’re a bitch…

F40.233 — Fear of injury.  Just stay inside your plastic bubble…

W18.11XA — Fall from or off toilet.  Don’t lean over so much when you wipe…

R46.0 — Very low level of personal hygiene.  Wash your nasty ass!

Z73.4 — Inadequate social skills.  Another one the hippies needed…

Z63.1 — Problems in relationship with in-laws.  Don’t like it?  Leave!  No problem…

SOURCE – Readers Digest

North Carolina Man Tries to Use $1M Bill at Walmart…

MillionFriends, this one is a little dated but it pegged my stupid meter and I haven’t done a dumb criminal report in a while.  Enjoy!

Police say Michael Anthony Fuller, a 53-year-old North Carolina man, tried to use a million-dollar note to buy $476 worth of items at a Walmart.  Fuller tried to use his note to buy a vacuum cleaner, a microwave oven and other merchandise.  He went to the cashier and insisted that his fake money was the real deal and so store employees called police and Fuller was arrested.  Court record show that Fuller was later slapped with felony charges for attempting to obtain property by false pretense and uttering a forged instrument.

A quick history lesson:

The government stopped making bills of up to $10,000 in 1969.  Reports are that the largest note ever printed was the $100,000 bill that featured President Woodrow Wilson.  These bills weren’t available to the public, but were printed from Dec. 18, 1934, through Jan. 9, 1935. They were reportedly used for transactions between Federal Reserve banks.  Michael, here’s your sign…

SOURCE – International Business Times

Man Hides Gun In Rectum!? What the…

Friends, this goes way beyond smuggling a dime of weed or a balloon with some crack in it. There are some places you should definitely not hide a gun. Police in North Carolina believe that despite multiple searches after a traffic violation, a suspect managed to sneak a 10-inch gun into a prison by concealing the weapon in his rectum. One day later, officers confiscated the .38 revolver from the jail cell of Michael Leon Ward, a statement from the Onslow County Sheriff’s Office explains.

gun_in_rectum

They’d performed a strip search on Ward and even required that he “squat and cough” to see if he held any contraband, but nothing turned up. He was initially arrested because police allegedly found drugs and related paraphernalia during the traffic stop. Jailhouse guards discovered the handgun in the toilet after other inmates reported Ward. I want to know who’s the poor rookie that’s going to have to do a$$hole searches from now on; Damn! Michael, here’s your sign…

SOURCE: TheSmokingGun.com

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